After rave reviews from close family, writer preps themselves for J. K. Rowling-esque success

Under her trusty pen name, A. B. Charlie has shared copies of some of her short stories with close friends and family and they think she’s ready for the big time.

‘When I kept hearing non-stop positive feedback, I knew I was destined for great things,’ A. B. told us. ‘My story To Kill a Mockingbird is doing great amongst readers in my family. You don’t need to be a marketing genius to work out that it spells -‘ A. B. stopped talking to draw a dollar sign in the air.

A. B. gave us a tour of her office. She writes from a laptop that her husband – a fantasy author who has sold over one hundred million copies worldwide who declined an interview with us – bought for her birthday. ‘He’s so sweet,’ she said. ‘He keeps trying to offer me advice but, between you and I, I don’t think I need the help.’

On Wednesday evenings, A. B. runs a creative writing class at the local town hall. ‘It’s just great to give back to the community, you know? There are so many atrocious writers out there and I feel this need to help them.’

Scrolling through her Twitter feed, A. B. points out some of her rivals. ‘This D. B. McKenzie is a hack. She’s pure scum. R. E. Ospeedwagon, the guy who wrote that best-selling self-published tripe, follows me. Well, not me, but my friend, but I taught her how to write so it’s basically me.’

Towards the end of our interview, we pointed out the similarities in the plot of A. B.’s short story, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Harper Lee’s novel, To Kill a Mockingbird.

‘I wrote this before she wrote hers,’ A. B. told us, crossing her arms. ‘Harper Lee is [sic] a hack. Pure scum.’