Dating website discovers real woman signed up, vows to keep her forever

Finding real women to sign up for internet dating websites has always been a challenge. Some estimates put the ratio of men to women as high as nine to one. For Sandy Heart Dating, the challenge has been no different. But just a few short weeks ago, the fledgling company discovered that it signed up its first female client despite being in operation for nearly four years.

‘We will keep her forever,’ Sandy Heart Dating CEO Theresa Arnold told reporters.

The female client in question, twenty-four year old Annette Merryweather, has expressed some reservations about her new distinction: ‘I’m under twenty-four hour guard and they won’t let me close my account,’ she told us from within a plastic box.

When questioned about Annette’s new living conditions, Ms. Arnold laughed it off. ‘There are germs outside. We wouldn’t want Annette getting sick and potentially destroying our entire company,’ she told us.

Asked how the company had survived for four years without a single male client, Theresa responded, ‘Our bots usually keep our male clients happy.

‘Conversations with bots last anywhere from a few hours to months of pining,’ Theresa told us.

‘One gentleman even fell in love and flew out to meet “her”, only to find she was a server. As soon as we learned that one of our bots had gained sentience, we shut her down. In front of him. For a bit of comic relief, we had her sing Daisy Bell as we shut her down. It didn’t stop him or the machine from crying.’