Porch pirate steals mail order husband

‘I’d really like him back,’ an unsigned flier attached to a telephone pole read.

A suspicious-looking passerby who was found reading the flier told us that, ‘Mail order brides and husbands being sold in this day and age is terrible and sexist. Plus, he hadn’t eaten for a month and I promised I’d feed him and pet him everyday so he’s happy with me now.’