Write for Us
** SUBMISSIONS ARE CURRENTLY CLOSED! **
25/05/20: Due to the virus and all that fun stuff, I’ve lost my job and can no longer afford to pay you $2.50. As such, submissions are closed. (I even checked under my couch for change but to no avail.)
We will reopen submissions at some point. Please stay safe.
I’ll leave the old submission details for posterity and so I don’t have to rewrite them out again when we reopen. Mwah!
Hi. You’re here because you’re a funny person who wants to write satirical nonsense on a website that even search engine bots avoid. You will earn $2.50 USD per article you sell us because money is hard to come by nowadays and we’re generous.
We want to harness the funniness within you and use it to create content. That’s capitalism, buster. Read on for guidelines and stuff.
- Submit satirical articles that are between 25 to 300 words in length (or however many words it takes to get the joke(s) across!)
- PLEASE read the site to first to get a feel for what we do here. We don’t write short stories or rants, we write faux news articles!
- Again, we don’t publish poetry or short stories. No, seriously. You’re a very good traditional fiction writer, but if you could please read the site a little bit first (even just a teeny, tiny bit), that’d be great
- It can be about any topic you like but it does – at the very least – need to be somewhat funny
- No gore, erotica, political extremism, racism, homophobia, etc.
- Supply a relevant picture that you hold the copyright for or use a website that has free-to-use pictures like Unsplash or Pixabay
- Submit your articles to thesqueakytimes A T gmail dot com
- You can either attach a Word/RTF document or paste your ideas into the email body
- Your submission MUST be YOUR work and it must NEVER have been published before (including on your own blog)
- We will credit you as the author (plus your social media) and give you $2.50 USD but you grant us permission to make money off of your genius for the remainder of the universe’s existence
- Please proofread your stuff; we get a lot of submissions and typos are turn-offs.
What happens next?
Well, if we like your piece(s), we’ll pay you and post it. If we don’t, we will send a generic, passive-aggressive response detailing how close you were to being on our site but the stars just didn’t align.
Because we deal with a lot of submissions, it might be a while before we get back to you. If we haven’t responded after, let’s say, three weeks, send us an email.
Please make sure you have a PayPal account attached to your email.
If you have any further questions, please email us.